JOKES!

Today's first joke was sent in by Trembly Dale! A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle. "No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. "I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!" The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the patient says, "I am fine with pills". The dentist left for a moment and when he returned, says "Here is a Viagra tablet." The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know the V-Pill worked as a pain killer!" "It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Naveed for sending in today's second joke. An Italian, a Frenchman and a Mexican are drinking at a bar discussing what they had done the previous evening. The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil then we made passionate love and I made her scream nonstop for five minutes." The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac oil then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Mexican says: "That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter then made love and I made her scream for two consecutive hours " The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, ask, "Two hours, phenomenal! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

WORST JOKE OF THE DAY

Today's groaner was sent in by Dave on Dope... Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Peter decided to let him in. "Follow me." he said, opening the gate and walking in. After some walk, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Peter was furious. "If you do that again, you'll go straight to hell! Follow me, we're almost there." After some more Peter dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Peter was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance. Again they walk and for the third time Peter drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Peter is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell. A few weeks later, Saint Peter goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass off. "Why is it so god damn cold down here?" Peter asks. "Well, you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.